J's Anime Skits
by Jyrotika
Summary: This is a bunch of random skits... hopefully knitted together to form a story.. No real main characters... Rated for possibility of content, but NOT likely.
1. I Love You

"J's Anime Skits"

Hey. I'm Jyro, and I'm the writer. I've decided that the world is just.. too normal, and as a result, decided to make it more... unusual by adding a fanfic to my list. And since the world also makes WAY too much sense(understanding why is WAY overrated), I've decided that this would be a random set of small stories from my dark and twisted mind. If you don't understand it, then good- you have found the reason for it. If you don't think it's funny, then you're not used to wild humor. Or my definition of it, at least. As far as I know, these stories may have nothing to do with eachother, or they may have everything to do with eachother. We'll all be waiting to find out...

Disclaimer: I own these stories. I do not own the characters. I don't really care who does because I'm not making any money off this, so I don't bother claiming ownership and paying them a cut. Yes, I AM insane... How did you guess?

Author's Note: I am a not-so-sane person with a twisted sense of humor... I can be a cruel, heartless fanfic writer when I want to be... I wouldn't anger me if I were you because I can't anger myself...

**/Where-ever here/** is a scene-change.

_'Thoughts here', _is thinking.

"Words here" is speaking.

!# START CHAPTER #!

(1)((Furuba)) Chapter 1- "Cruelty"

Kagura is sitting on a bench, staring into the clouds. _'I wonder if Kyou will ever truly love me..', _she thinks, and sighs. _'I miss him already. I should visit him soon.' _Suddenly, she hears footsteps approaching her.

"Kagura!"

Kagura turned around. What she saw in front of her shocked her.

"K-Kyo!"

Kyo is standing just a few feet behind her. _'That takes care of missing him. Funny, just when I'm planning to visit him, HE comes here and visits ME! Maybe he doesn't hate me..', _Kagura thinks while looking at him in surprise.

"There's something I have to tell you.", says Kyo. _'It sounds like whatever he has to say is pretty important.', _Kagura thinks. _'I wonder if he's here to confess his love!', _Kagura thinks, her heart racing.

"Y-yes? What is it!", Kagura said, feeling curious, excited, hopeful, and VERY anxious.

"I...", says Kyo, pausing from nervousness. Then little hearts popped into his eyes and a silly grin plastered itself on his face. "I love you!", he shouted, looking dreamily off into the distance.

"Oh... OH MY GOSH! Really? REALLY! You DO!", Kagura screamed with enthusiasm. Little hearts popped into her eyes, and she ran to hug Kyo.

"No.", Kyo said, a silent, tiny little "duh" attached to it by the tone. For Kagura, it seemed as if the world stopped spinning. The little hearts in her eyes ripped in two and fell to the ground in little, leafy pieces.

"Wha-what?", Kagura asked, stopping in mid-tackle and no longer showing any emotion and looking REALLY confused.

"I was JOKING, you idiot! I HATE you!", Kyo said almost happily, an evil smirk now formed on his face where the smile had been. The hearts in his eyes had turned into evil flames as he laughed a malicious, stereotype "MWAHAHAHAHAH!" while Kagura just looked at him, teary-eyed.

Just before Kagura's lips would have begun to tremble and eyes to water, she glared angrily at Kyo. Angrily enough, in fact, that a wind- and thunder-storm began to form behind her. Lightning struck with ferocity as she contemplated what to do next. It took her no longer than a fraction of a second to realize that she would rather do unspeakable bodily harm to Kyo right now than wait a few seconds to plan out something more... painful.

"Kyo, you JERK!", Kagura yelled, charging Kyo. Kyo stopped laughing and dodged, but much too late. The smirk on his face fell when he realized that Kagura charged faster than he could dodge. Kagura knocked him to the ground and they rolled together a few times before Kyo sat up.

"You'll PAY FOR THAT!", Kagura screamed, her arms tightening around Kyo's neck and her legs squeezing his ribs under his arms tighter than she ever had before.

"AARRLLKK!", Kyo screamed, his cries muffled from Kagura's arms. Kyo managed to get his fingers around Kagura's forearms, and loosen the pressure on his windpipe.

"AAAAGH! GET OFF MEEEEE!", Kyo shouts, running in little circles, trying to get Kagura off off him.

**/Back at Shigure's house.../**

"AAAAGH!" is heard way off in the distance.

"I wonder what Kyo's got himself into this time...", Shigure said thoughtfully.

"Do you think he's okay? Maybe I should go see what's wrong...", Tohru said, looking very worried.

"You can't just leave Hanajima and Uotani here alone. They're you're company.", Shigure told Tohru, hoping that she wouldn't get involved.

"Ah! I'm sorry, I forgot! How silly of me!", Tohru said with a smile.

Meanwhile, over in the corner, Yuki is standing next to Uotani, both trying to suppress a chuckle. Very quickly, he slips her handful of cash. Leaning over to her while Tohru's distracted, he whispers in her ear.

"How did you get rid of Kyo this time?" Uotani just smirked as she answered him.

"It was easy. First, I said he was afraid of that one girl that like... stalks him or something. He said he wasn't, and I told him to prove it. Hana promised to act as a lie-detector when he comes back so that I don't have to follow him. From what I've heard of those two, a half-mile radius at LEAST is preferrable right now..."

!# END CHAPTER #!


	2. Weekend Madness

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket... Can't you tell? It actually has a storyline! Something I seem to be incapable of producing...

Author's Note: I was planning on actually giving this a storyline, but that would make it too normal! And I can't keep with a storyline anyway, so I decide against it... I really didn't mean to change the title name, I did it before I realized that this wasn't supposed to have a plot at all... Sorry! ; Since I remember now, I can write the next one! YAY

As usual-

"yo" is saying "yo"

'yo' is thinking "yo"

/yo/ means that the setting is now "yo" (that made no sense...)

Chapter 2- Weekend Madness

'Ayame called... Not good.', thought Hatori. He knew for a fact that when Ayame called, he was up to something. He knew that they'd drag him into the whole mess somehow, but he'd figured he would have at least a day's peace before either of them actually hunted him down to tell him. He didn't know how wrong he was.

Exactly 37 minutes after Ayame called, there was a knock on Hatori's office door. 'Come in', he said, wondering who would be visiting him in the middle of a Friday afternoon... He had no appointments later than noon on Fridays so that he could finish all of his paperwork. The door was noisily flung open, and Ayame walked through. Hatori internally groaned and just barely stopped himself from slamming his head against his desk in hopes that Ayame would leave if he was unconscious.

"'Tori-san! Oh, I've missed you so much! You have to come with 'Gure and I on our trip this weekend!", Ayame all but sang as he walked in. "Ayame, I can't. Now please, leave me to my work.", Hatori said, uninterested. "But you haven't even heard what we're doing!",Ayame whined. "Akito is sick. He just came down with a cold, and I can't leave him here alone over the weekend. I'm sorry."Hatori said, even though he couldn't care less about the trip. He was always being dragged along on trips, and he had never had any fun during the other ones. 'Why would this one be any different than the other disasters?', Hatori thought. "Please! It'll be fun, I promise!",Ayame said as Hatori continued to shake his head 'no',"PLEASE! It won't be any fun without you!". "I can't. I have to take care of Akito. I'm sorry.",Hatori said without any emotion. "Then you have to promise that next time we go on a trip, you'll come along!", said Ayame, who still had hope. "Fine.", said Hatori. "No matter what it is!", Ayame said. "No matter what it is.", agreed Hatori. With that, Ayame walked out of the office, smiling.

It was Saturday evening, and since Akito was feeling much better, and Kyo was still healing from his fight with Kagura a few weeks before, he was over at Shigure's house looking over Kyo's wounds. They had mostly healed, and none of them seemed infected, so he was on his way out the door. The phone rang, and since Yuki was in his room, Kyo was bedridden- well, couch-ridden, because they had moved him downstairs so he didn't have to stare at the same ceiling all day, and Tohru was taking a bath, he was the only one able to answer the phone.

"Hello?", said Hatori into the phone. "Hey, Hatori!",Ayame's voice blared from the other end of the phone. Hatori cringed and held it a bit away from his ear, wanting to make it through the week with his hearing intact. "Wait, why are you there?", Ayame continued,"You said Akito needed to be watched over! Liar! Anyway, I.. wanted to talk to you about something... see, we're up a creek-" "With no paddle?",Hatori finished, cutting Ayame off,"What went wrong this time?",Hatori finished with a sigh. "Well, no, you see-" Ayame tried to continue but Hatori cut him off again, "You'll have to handle this yourselves. I'm not going anywhere.", said Hatori. "But Hatori, you see, we have a paddle, it's just very small and full of holes...",Ayame finally finished his sentence. There was silence on both ends of the line. "What do you mean, 'we have a paddle, it's just small and full of holes'!", Hatori demanded into the phone. "We decided to go canoeing, but we didn't have any paddles. We went looking for some, and there were these paddles in Shigure's kitchen for some reason. But we can't move very fast, and we're stranded! Please, come save us!", whined Ayame.

Ayame and Shigure finally got home well after dark. The only reason that they were home and not in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by water is because they both decided to swim back to where their car was. When they got to Shigure's house, they were dripping wet and shivering. Hatori was still there for some unknown reason, sitting by Kyo and reading a book. When he saw the two dripping wet men, he greeted them with a 'Well, you're back early' and continued reading. The two glared at him while grabbing towels, which they used to wrap themselves in before sitting down near Hatori.

Hatori ended up getting whined at by Ayame and Shigure, which he thought might have been worse than just going along in the first place. 'So much for my hearing being intact...', he thought with a sigh. As he was about to go out the door, Kyo called him over as best as he could without opening any of his cuts, which wasn't easy. It ended up sounding something like a muffled 'Eyh! Ahdoyee!', but luckily, Hatori understood. He walked over to where Kyo lay, kneeling next to the couch. Kyo was able to move his left pointer finger enough to motion a 'come closer' without much trouble. Hatori bent over Kyo, his ear near Kyo's mouth, waiting for Kyo to say something. He heard a muffled sentence that sounded something like "Ahdoldenutadekasadwaz". "What?", Hatori asked, not being able to decipher Kyo's words. Kyo put a lot of effort into being understandable, and was able to speak very clearly for someone in his condition. Kyo's reply was a simple, "I told them not to take the spatulas..."

!# CHAPTER END #!

YAY! I had a review! YAY! (I'm still not used to getting reviews...)

Spite414: THANKSES FOR THE REVIEW! It makes me so happy to know that someone read the last chapter... And I guess I will continue it, since there's at least one person watching for it! ;-D

If anyone needs anything explained, just review or email me and I'll fix the fic so that it's not so confusing!


	3. Kyo's Bad Luck

Author... ess here, and I'm attempting to give this a loose storyline. Yeah. I'm having severe trouble trying to write a crossover... If I get anything wrong, TELL ME! **RANT AND RAVE ABOUT IT SO I LEARN MY LESSON! **Next, I'm going to try and add in Gundam Wing... to Furuba... Don't know how that'll go. Really, I don't. I'm insane. So sue me. Or not, because I'm broke.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I own the stories. I am insane. If I have not answered your questions, then by all means, ask them by review. I may have psychic powers, but I'm no telepath!

(Ignore her, she is not sane. I am the real author... ess...) No she's not! I'M REAL! (No you're not.) YES I AM! (No! Now let me write!)

((3))((Furuba))

"Kyo's Terrible Luck..."

It just so happens that Kyo was getting better after his accident... or beating... However you see it though, he just happens to have bad luck. Why? No one knows. But just as he was starting to be able to walk again, he insisted on taking the stairs by himself without help.

His stubborness came back to bite him, as he ended up tumbling down the flight of stairs and through to the center of the living room. He just happened to be in perfect timing to surprise a running Momiji, who was running because he had taken Haru's coat from him and dyed it pink with raspberry juice... No one knows where Momiji got the raspberry juice, but it did stain almost a perfect shade of pink... Haru(he had turned Black by now) chased Momiji with the intention of making him eat the coat, but since Momiji tripped while trying to stop himself from crushing Kyo, Haru tripped over Momiji's heels and knocked them both ontop of a disoriented(and very much in pain) Kyo. Kyo ended up in the hospital (I'll spare you the gory details.. Luckily, he didn't break anything, but he has one heck of a head injury...)

Kagura, needless to say that she had gotten over her anger by now, went to visit him. Upon sight of her, Kyo started to wiggle and shout "MMMFH! MMMFH!", but it was all in vain because the nurses couldn't hear his muffled cries, and the left pointer finger that was left undamaged before was now too painful to press the nurse's call button.

Finally, hours later, Kagura left. Kyo was so happy that he could almost cry. Almost. But unknown to him, the next day would be even worse...

Kyo was sleeping blissfully from the pain medication that the doctors had given him... 'Ahhh... pretty medication... I see bunnies... TEE HEE!', Kyo thought as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

Suddenly, his medicine-induced daze was broken by the loud sound of a knock. Then there was a shrill sound like a chainsaw. 'Uhhhh... why are the logging men cutting the house?', Kyo thought. Then he drifted more towards consciousness. The sound came again, but this time, it sounded like there was a pattern to it... Almost like the sounds were syllables... Suddenly, Kyo recognized it, and wished he could flee... Too bad there was no way he could even signal the nurses for help...

Ayame burst into the room, with Yuki, Tohru, and Shigure right behind.

"HEL-LO!", Ayame half said, half sang as he pranced into the room. "Well, Kyo, it does seem that you haven't been so lucky lately. But worry not! Your luck has returned, for I have come to visit you!", Ayame gushed. **'KILL.** **ME.** **NOW.**', thought Kyo, but there was no way that would happen, unless Yuki suddenly decided he didn't like seeing Kyo in agony, took pity on him, and killed him. "You'll feel better in no time with my magnificent bedside manner!", Ayame said, slightly hopping up and down as he spoke.

"We brought you some flowers, Kyo." 'Tohru. Always so kind... At least she's here too, or I'd most likely die of misery.',thought Kyo. 'This is going to be a LONG day... At least I can't feel any blood pouring out of my ears yet...'

Finally, Ayame had left. Hatori had apparently gotten the news that Ayame was bothering Kyo. Maybe Hatori took pity on Kyo, or maybe Hatori didn't want to have to treat Kyo again for broken eardrums and a strong death wish, but for whatever reason, he convinced Ayame that it was time to leave.

Kyo drifted off into a fuzzy, warm, fluffy, cotton-candy coated, pain medicine-induced sleep.


End file.
